Dear Friends,

em⋅pa⋅thy [em-puh-thee] n. -- the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

Most people strive to be empathetic, and to show care and concern for another’s feelings. It’s an admirable pursuit and a quality that makes one a good friend, mate, colleague and parent. But stop for a moment and take a look at that definition. …intellectual identification… vicarious experiencing… by definition, no matter how hard we try to show empathy, we are never truly experiencing another person’s feelings, at least not as deeply as they are.

God has shown me that’s important to remember when trying to empathize with another. We are removed from the full force of the other’s feelings because intellectual distance makes it easier for us to “see through the emotional clutter” and jump right into a possible solution to the pain.

I think this is a tendency for men more so than for women; men want to “fix” things while women want to “feel” things. You’re probably familiar with this metaphor, popularized by John Gray in his book, “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.” He said that men express their problems so they can be solved; women express their problems so they can be acknowledged. I know I am like that; it’s hard for me to show and share my own emotions, so it’s doubly hard to truly empathize with another. My first inclination is to find a resolution to their pain, as much as I’d like to truly show empathy.

Thankfully, God has a solution. He tells us that it’s OK if we can’t solve another person’s problems because that’s His job. (Review earlier Shine Through blogs for messages and scripture reminding us that He is our provider and protector.) He also reminds us that we show empathy by sitting with another, and offering a shoulder to lean on and an ear to truly hear their worries and concerns. We can pray with them and for them. And we can minister to them by sharing God’s word and His promise of eternal care.

Don’t let my message dishearten your desire to show empathy! Rather, let it bring you strength in the realization that it’s OK to rely on God for the resolution of concerns that are out of your control! Draw on this when you are talking with clients about distressing life events they may be experiencing, or when they express worry over their future because of less than stellar returns in their investment portfolio.

 

Are you quick to rejoice with those who rejoice, but don’t know how to weep with those who weep? Share your story and inspire others.

Blessings,

 

Ron